Woe is me

Got into a conversation with a friend on FB this morning about the topic of 'vulnerability' in your content, and I thought I would share it here.

IMO, vulnerability works GREAT in the past tense, horrible in the present tense.

Here's a very rough example:

"Everything was so fucked up, all this bad shit happened, but I hung in there, I turned the corner, life is so much better now, and I can help you do the same for the low price of $997 today only"

That's a WIN - people appreciate your vulnerability AND respect your resilience to come back from a bad patch.

On the other hand:

"Everything is so fucked up, so much bad shit is happening, life is a mess right now, I need help and don't know what to do."

Usually a bad idea.

At best you'll get some thoughts and prayers from those who wish to appear conscientious...

Sprinkled with some 'healing vibes' from people too lazy to even say a prayer for you...

Maybe a couple of bits of outreach in the DMs from genuine friends...

And tumbleweed in your Stripe account.

The thing is - even if people publicly express support, more often than not they're privately feeling less favorable.

Often the impression a present-tense negative revelation gives off is a sympathy-seeking pity party, mental health episode, or in the worst case, a manipulative grift.

We're all dealing with our own life bullshit and reluctant to bear the burden of others' bullshit, unless they're someone we have a close personal relationship with.

And as for inadvertently putting people on blast, that happens for sure.

I've seen enough nasty DM conversations in private groups, to say that a lot of people are gossipy AF and will embroider the hell out of small statements.

So generally, I prefer to keep my head down and just work on whatever needs doing during tough times... Even if that means going 'radio silence for a period of time.

With all that said, I don't want to be too cynical. There are positive exceptions -

When people talk about serious illness in terms of their treatment plans, goals, and progress toward recovery that can attract a lot of positive attention.

And when people talk about bereavement of a loved one, the response is usually genuine respect and kindness.

It's the interpersonal and relationships stuff that tends to be most ambiguously or negatively received.

Your Friend,

John Caprani

PS - If you're going to be vulnerable, do it on your own terms. When others ask you to share or be vulnerable in a group setting, it's always wise to ask yourself 'Why?' - unfortunately the reasons are not always in your best interests.